No control

I was getting out of bed on Wednesday and torn all the tendons in a large section of my foot. YES, I am on crutches. I remember a few years ago when I longed to be on crutches and when I would see someone with them I was jealous. But my mom makes me drink lots of milk so I have never broken a bone.
I need to have the crutches for about a week and a half or so. As i sat in the immediate care center I wish so much that I would be able to get crutches, not only because it would relieve my pain but also force the healing on my foot. after sitting in the center I got very restless and angry so when the women came out with my crutches I was relieved.
My mom was also having Daniel (little brother) tested for a bunch of thingy’s. We didn’t get home until around 1 something in the morning. And i remember throwing my crutches on the floor and jumping in to bed.
After a day or two, I began to begin to cry with out understanding of what i was upset about. I prayed, I had to lie in bed, so I prayed....long and hard. And God revealed to me that I was getting so upset with everything because I didn’t have control of my life. I disliked that I could not control what happened. I had gotten to the point were I have been crying a large amount for the past few days because of this.
During worship tonight God was truly speaking straight to my heart. I thought it was me just hearing what I wanted to but He said something that I couldn’t have ever come up with myself, and I love it. He said that he, to me, should be like my crutches. The thing that helps me when I need him and I realized I was leaning on others to help me. And that God, like the crutches, needed to control my life. I realized that it’s hard for me to give my everything to someone unseen. But faith is the evidence of things unseen.
Back up, a few Fridays ago I was praying with Lex and Gracie, if your reading this you probably know them, there two powerful little ladies. But Lex had this revelation (if I can call it that) on my life. She said,” Sam, it’s hard for you to give your heart full to God because you have given it to others and have broken it, but Sam God will not break your heart”. (I love you Lex) I also believe this is how I am with my desire to have control over my life; I am scared if I trust someone else to control it something will go wrong.
While I was worshipping God told me that He is the only one that can control my life. But I’ve slowly been learning through out the night, and I hope to learn more and more everyday, that giving Him….. my life in it's entirety will do nothing but help me.